unsure

I'm unsure of what I'm going through. I mean, it isn't like anything is happening, or was happening, or even could have happened. And it isn't like I ever wanted anything to happen. So why am I getting so upset these days? I'd made a decision months back, and things worked out ok, after that. I got on with being me, or trying to be what I figured I was. Which may or may not be the same thing, of course. And then life flowed, and that was good, it felt good. I remembered at long last what 'good' felt like.. yeah, that's more like what it was. So what is happening now? Why am I getting stuck on something that I know isn't really there? Why am I creating illusions to hold onto? Why do I need something to hold on to, no matter now unreal?